The Question of Why

Through out my life many people have asked me a lot of questions, some of them being why do you look like that?, what happened to you? was I in a fire?  I recently got that same question, last night while on the computer, was I in a fire or an accident? I will answer the last question, I have seen people who were burned in a fire or in an accident, and by God’s grace I was in neither.  Do I sometimes wish that I looked better, or that I didn’t have a bad side when people took pictures, yes, though thankfully I am okay with who I am.  (at least for the most part)  I would rather have people ask me questions, although hard at times to swallow, than to have them point, or stare at me.  I came back to writing this post about my disability, because that is my heart, and my wish to share with others what God has done in my life, and what I am learning through this journey.  Through the journey I have had a lot of “why” questions, why did this happen to me? why did my Mom die at such a young age?, or could ask the same of my sister.  Why am i still single?  I believe that we all have the why questions in our lives.  We all want the why questions answered in our lives, but we need to be honest with ourselves, because we may not get all of those why questions answered here on this earth.

I want to know why would a loving and caring God, create someone with a disability.  Know mind you Psalms 139:13-16, talks about How God creates us in our mothers womb.

You created every part of me;
you put me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because you are to be feared;
all you do is strange and wonderful.
I know it with all my heart.
15 When my bones were being formed,
carefully put together in my mother’s womb,
when I was growing there in secret,
you knew that I was there—
16 you saw me before I was born.
The days allotted to me
had all been recorded in your book,
before any of them ever began.

Though God creates us in our mothers womb, I don’t believe that God says you will be born with Aperts, you will have this in your life, or you will have that in your life.  Unfortunately it’s just part of life, God didn’t allow me to be born this way to hurt or harm me, but I believe He allowed it because He knew that He had a plan and a purpose for my life.  As Christians, we read the first part of Romans 8:28, which says And we know that God causes all things, yes it is true God does cause all things, this is only for the Christian, because in the second line of that verse it says, to work together for the GOOD of those, who LOVE him and who are CALLED according to his PURPOSE.

Romans 8:28, (The Voice), and no this is not the TV show,

28 We are confident that God is able to orchestrate everything to work toward something good and beautiful when we love Him and accept His invitation to live according to His plan.

It’s difficult at times to live with a disability, to ask the questions why, but I have become more secure in knowing that God is going to work out everything out for his good.  Would I like to be living on my own, absolutely, but at the moment rent on Long Island is tooooooo high, so don’t move here, would I like to have a girlfriend yes.  Do I have a concern that a girl won’t want to marry me, because of the way that I look, yes.  Though I am walking that concern out, and realizing that although we need to be attracted to the other person, but what really matters is what’s on the inside that counts.

I will have to wait and see what happens with that future spouse, I am believing that she is out their somewhere, and that we will meet at some point.  I kid around sometimes with my friends and say I think the rapture will happen just as we say I do, just because God knows how much it means to me to want to get married.  The Bible says Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.  That’s one of my biggest desires in my life, to find that future someone to find that woman of God, whoever she is.

I say all of that to say, I could have giving up, and felt like it at times, a long time ago, even had the attack of the enemy wanting me to end my life, but thankfully I did not.  So whatever you are going through today, whatever trial, difficulty, whatever mess you are in today, don’t give up.  Life may be painful, it may hurt, you may feel like you are all alone, but you’re not.  God is there right next to you. Standing there cheering you on, telling you, that whatever the enemy tells you is a lie from the Pit of Hell, don’t give up, get up, I am right there with you.

I am a one man army in this ministry, been doing it now for 8 years, next year starts number 9, and I am doing it all alone, and some how some way I have not giving up.  I have kept pursuing God, I kept doing what God wanted me to do with this ministry.

Don’t Give Up Today.



  1. Reply
    Dorsey Ross says:

    Thanks Joan, appreciate that,

Post a comment